A Plan For My Old Age

There was a time when the average lifespan for human beings was not more than 60 years. In some ways, it was a blessing. One did not have to reckon with 30-40 years of old age, often compounded by poor health, dwindling finances, and inevitable dependence on one's offspring. Of course, life is like a drug, and we can never have enough of it. On the positive side, post-retirement life is an opportunity to sit back and relax, unimpeded by the stress of a 9-to-5 job, child rearing, and the indefatigable ambitions of youth.

There are inspiring stories (and I personally know many) of senior citizens travelling the world, giving back to society, and living to the fullest until the very end. But equally, there is the problem of elderly people unable to pay mounting medical bills, being hoodwinked by children who sometimes strip them of their houses, and conversely, throttling their offspring and children in law with their own desires, unending demands, and need for control.

Take a look at the number of Indians contending with the problem of joint families, an unpalatable concept for many women (and men, though they rarely seem to voice it) used to independence, free will, and the joys of living on one's own terms. After all, how can one be expected to make a living, tend to one's children, find time for recreation, and also manage to look after elderly parents with psychological and/or physical ailments? Life is not meant to be so punishing. And so, here's what I plan for my old age.

1. I will not live with my children or force them to live with me once they get married. In fact, I might have a problem if they wanted to do so. I value my lifestyle and in my sunset years, I imagine that I'd want a quiet life with much contemplation. Why would I want to put up with their busy schedules and babysit their children even when I didn't have the energy? I would love, however, to get to know my son/daughter-in-law as a friend, be there for my children always, and live close by, so I could spend time with my grandchildren occasionally.

2. I would try my best to be as fit and healthy as possible. This of course must begin now, with regular exercise and a nutritious diet that will keep diseases at bay when old age weakens my immunity. I will ensure I have health insurance, walk regularly, get sunlight daily, and solve crosswords and learn new skills to avoid mental degeneration. I will try my best to keep up with technology, although I promise not to intrude into the lives of those who matter to me. If it happens that despite my best efforts I need constant care and attention, I would be more than willing to live in a nursing home, which brings me to my next point.

3. I will save enough for my sunset years. I will make sure I am dependent on no one, and have enough equity and investments to see me through my post-retirement life. I want to be able to finance my stay in a nursing home if required. I would also want to travel, and not be a burden on my children as far as possible.

4. I promise never to have a superiority complex because of my age alone. Everyone grows old - what's the achievement in that? Everyone deserves to be respected and heard - young and old. And in fact, each decade ushers in changes that requires us to evolve. Hanging on to the past and expecting the new generation to adhere to outdated customs - what satisfaction would that bring me?

5. If in spite of everything, I end up living under the same roof as my child, I would never try to assert myself as the head of the house or interfere in their decisions. I would give them the privacy they needed, and expect the same for myself. Young children can be noisy, and if that bothered me, I'd go for a walk in the park instead of asking them to stop enjoying their lives.

Tell me, what, in any of the points mentioned above is unethical, immoral, or evil-natured? Yet, I don't see anyone reflecting such opinions in today's India - be it the parents who seem to find illogical pleasure in poking their noses into their children's marriages, or the sons who fervently condemn 'western ideals' of living alone. Here is some food for thought - life is short, and love can exist even with some space. In fact, relationships flourish when there is room to breathe. What do you think?

India: Is It Really Unity in Diversity?

I am critical of my country because I know it well. I am not anti-national, nor am I nationalistic. On an intellectual level, I don't believe in divisive concepts like countries, religions, or sub-communities. But on a practical level, I know such demarcation is necessary for the smooth functioning of society, and the administration of territories. What irks me is how emotional we get about these things. The place you were born, the religion you were born into, the sex you were granted - ALL of these are matters of chance. They do not make you. They only give you a framework to operate in.

India is actually a shining example of oneness over differences, with its numerous languages, customs, and states. So when I see the subtle imposition of North Indian ideals on the whole of the country, I can't help but be appalled. Whether you look at movies in popular culture or the agenda pursued by the current government, it seems that they would want all of us to become "Sanskaari" sari/dhoti-clad, temple-going, joint family-respecting, women-subjugating Hindu nationalists. But why?

India is a free land; a democracy, that is veritably on the path to becoming a global superpower. What place do such petty politics have in a nation backed by rich spiritual history and a tradition of tolerance espoused by Mahatma Gandhi, purportedly the Father of the Nation (yes, he was not perfect, but his contribution to India and the world is unparalleled)? I used to believe that the current generation would embrace open-mindedness and egalitarianism. But I see the same conversations that have always polluted our thinking - caste, religion, blind following of traditions, and unfair expectations from women.

I was once an idealist but I don't really know where the country will go from here. Here's praying for a better, wiser future, with less communal fanaticism and more focus on crime and poverty reduction, afforestation and wildlife preservation, cleanliness, and regard for personal space and choices. No country in the world is perfect, but the Scandinavian countries have consistently topped happiness indexes. And you know what - the reasons include good social support, financial and job security, affinity for the outdoors, work-life balance, trust, gratitude, and community spirit. Nothing to do with grating nationalism or changing city names to reflect a twisted image of what certain groups believe a country should be. 

Finally, A Dating App That Knows You’re More Than Just A Picture

Courtesy: Pixabay

A good selfie, a bunch of hobbies, your age, sex, and location – is that all you are, really? And would you want someone to like, and eventually love you on that basis? If you answered a big fat NO, then you should probably give OkCupid a try.

We can all agree that finding a suitable partner in today’s times can be very, very difficult. #ForeverSingle might seem comical on social media but for many of us, it’s a depressing truth. We trudge to work, oversleep on weekends, and perhaps go on the occasional blind date on the recommendation of a family member or friend. And yet, the years go by, and true love remains a distant dream. Not everyone wants to jump into an arranged marriage with someone who probably comes with tons of baggage you never wanted or asked for. Nor are we all Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City, willing to ‘experiment’ and have crazy one-night-stands in the quest for a real, fulfilling relationship.

Enter the much-disputed world of dating apps. Love them or hate them, you can’t really do without them when Mr/Ms Right isn’t crossing your path in real life. But the fact of the matter is, most of the platforms out there are either matrimonial sites or hook-up apps without a conscience. Navigating either can feel like a desperate exercise for those who’d like the luxury of exploring a serious relationship at leisure – you know, get to know someone slowly, so that perhaps one day, you might do that thing that your parents are dying for. #OkCupid has been designed for people like that.

OkCupid gets to know you the way you’d want to be known.

 

Courtesy: OkCupid on PlayStore

There are a million things that make you ‘you’. Maybe it’s the way you purse your lips when you’re worried. Or the fact that you sometimes like your Maggi cold. Your most precious moments and the most embarrassing ones, the times you danced and the times you wept, the people who made you and the ones that broke you (for a while), the days that life seemed perfect, and the days when the sun just wouldn’t shine – what if an app wanted to know all of it?And that means, so would your potential life partner. Imagine the ocean of things you’d have to talk about on a first date when you’ve been privy to such intimate details about each other. When you sign up on OkCupid, chances are, you’d go on a journey of self-discovery, because the app asks you so many quirky, interesting, and exhaustive questions in the course of setting up your profile. So no, you aren’t just your height, weight, and vital statistics. You’re a living, breathing human with a gamut of passions inside you. You are #SubstanceoverSelfies.

Of course, the app does cover basics like political and religious beliefs, and expectations such as a long-term or short-term relationship. And for every question you answer about yourself, you also submit your preferences in your partner on the same subject. A few examples:

• ·       How would you describe yourself: Intense or Carefree?
• ·       Would you rather be: Normal or Weird?
• ·       Would you date someone who was really messy?
• ·       Would you date someone who was in debt?
• ·       Choose the better romantic activity: Kissing in Paris or Kissing in a Tent, in the Woods
• ·       Is jealousy healthy in a relationship?

Courtesy: OkCupid App

And to the developers of OkCupid, here are a few suggestions from my side (feel free to add your own in the comments, and we’ll hope our genius is heard!):

• ·       If you could travel with only one thing, would it be your: Phone or Camera?
• ·       How long could you survive with just food and water in an empty room? One day, one week, one hour
• ·       Which one would you prefer: A Cloudy Day or A Snowy Day?

Once you’ve answered a few questions, you can view profiles and swipe left or right, depending on whether they appeal to you or not. You get a notification only if someone liked you as well (termed a “Double Take”). And after that, well, the ball’s in your court!

OkCupid believes in mutual trust and kindness.

The world of online dating can sometimes be really unkind. After all, anonymity and the protection of a computer screen let you get away with much more than you would in real life. While no app can control the behaviour of users a 100%, OkCupid does place a very important emphasis on being respectful. In fact, users have to “pledge” to follow a certain code of conduct before they chat with someone for the first time. When you meet someone new, things may not always work out, but it’s always better to part with dignity, right? ‘Hide’ and ‘block’ functions are also available to help you avoid certain profiles.

How do you find matches?

Courtesy: OkCupid on PlayStore

The app shows you best matches based on the answers you submit in your initial questionnaire. But you could also search for people by interests or factors like owning a pet. When someone likes you back, you both receive a notification, allowing you to take things ahead. And because profiles on OkCupid are so much more rounded than a conventional dating bio, you’ll have tons of conversation starters to choose from.

Is the app free?

Yes, it’s absolutely free to install and use OkCupid. However, there are some additional features that can only be unlocked with a paid subscription. It’s up to you whether to upgrade or not.

You can:

·       Find OkCupid India on Instagram

·       Download OkCupid for Android

·       Download OkCupid for iOS

Every week, 50,000 people in 113 countries find a date thanks to OkCupid. And for the evolved urban man or woman, it is probably the most discerning dating app in the Indian (and international) market. Here’s hoping you find true love before the next monsoon – because who wouldn’t like a rain dance with a special someone?

I just want to breathe.

Don't want no gold. No diamonds.

Just my peace. My privacy.

My little piece of sweet paradise.

Don't want to pretend. No fake smiles.

No small-talk. No cognitive dissonance.

Just silence, punctuated by bird song

And the stillness of untouched forests.

No complication. Just simplicity. Purity.

Don't want to navigate

The quagmire of human expectations.

I just want to breathe

And write the story of my heart.

We're all Cocktails.

Your neighbour might not look it

But she's as much a cocktail

As I am, in this foreign land.

She's white, like you 

And I'm brown

But we're both of so many hues

Inside.

We're both streaked

With the trails of our experiences

Changed unalterably

By all we've been through.

I might not look like you

But on some days, we might be more alike

Than you could ever imagine.

I sound different

But maybe my words resonate with you

I smell different

But perhaps, my thoughts have a familiar fragrance

We do share 99.9% of our DNA after all.

We're all cocktails

Shaken and stirred by a million things

But I'd like to think -

We're all someone's signature drink.

(Note: Living in a foreign country makes you think about the vast differences in our appearances and cultural backgrounds. So this isn't about racism, per se, but rather a commentary on why it's so hard to think of common ground between, say, a 45-year-old Tunisian mother, and a 19-year-old American teenager.)