Every year, I feel the bite of winter anew.
The clouds of mist and the changing view,
the morning frost and the silvery greys
breathe whispers of short but melancholy days.
The melting snow and the bare-boned trees
Line the yards, the parks, and entire cities.
Autumn's last leaves offer a final escape
From winter's monochromatic landscape.
And when nothing of colour remains,
Moondust will leave behind its wintry stains.
I have lived
A life spent in hiding
From people
From shadows
From all the myriad things
That strike fear into my timid heart
But I do so love this cave
This cocoon that I've built for myself
Where it's dark and lonely
But ever so peaceful.
And like a tortoise,
I carry my cocoon wherever I go
It keeps me safe
It keeps me calm
When I can't say the same of the world.
It has been my life's mission
To put into words
The things that don't have a name
Like this feeling
That maybe I haven't lived enough
But there is no 'Enough' when it comes to Life.
There is only Death.
I have spent 32 years on this planet. Yet, whenever I close my eyes and think of a time when I was the happiest, the answer is always the same. When I was 8, I used to go the local swimming pool with my dad and elder sister. Dad would give me swimming lessons while my sister swam laps all by herself. She was already an expert. I was in no hurry, often content to just float on the water and gaze up at the sky. Being in the cool water in hot summers – it was so rejuvenating. And since we always visited in the evening, the sun would inevitably set when we drove back home.
My sister was usually nice enough to let me take the front seat. I’d roll the window down (I could be trusted not to do silly things like stick my arm out) and rest my head on the windowsill, feeling the breeze sift through my hair. I’d watch the lines on the road whiz by and the gorgeous colours in the evening sky. And I’d dream. I’d dream of one day writing a novel, becoming famous, and doing great things.
Every evening when we drove back from the swimming pool, I was convinced that I was destined for greatness. Life and its possibilities seemed limitless as I sat beside my dad and watched the world go by in all its twilit glory. The sensation of what a beautiful thing it was to be alive filled me till I felt breathless with joy. And I experienced all of this in silence and with a smile on my lips. When we went home, I’d tell my mum and no one else.
