Being with you

Being with you is like being in a labyrinth with no exit

And at every turn

And every corner

Awaits a monster I don't want to face

Endless allusions

And inexhaustible reminders

Of bogeymen from my childhood days

Every night - an expectation of dread

Fulfilled in myriad creative ways

Every day - painfully predictable

Our conversations a pointless loop

Being with you is like being imprisoned

A life sentence with no plea bargain.

And if my tears were pearls,

I'd have all the oceans' worth of jewels with me.

Even though you're here,

it feels like you died a while ago.

It feels like you're a spirit

Here to soften the blow.

And every day, I wake under the illusion

That we're still together

And as the day matures,

The realization sinks in

That you've actually been gone

For a while now.

I'm like an Alzheimer's patient

Who has to remember their lover's name

Afresh

Every single day.

And in the beginning, my poems were about desire and longing. 

But as the love withered, I went silent.

Until one day, the poetry returned.

Only this time, my poems are about sadness and wondering

Wondering where it all went wrong.

I always knew, our story would end before the world ever knew it had begun. Like the sound of a falling tree in an empty forest - real, yet non-existent, with no one to hear and no one to mourn.

You love me,

But not enough to spare me nightmares.

You want me,

But not enough to stop fantasizing about other women.

My poems were about too much

And yours, if they were to exist,

Would be about too little.

And never the twain shall meet.

Sunny days

 

The sun and the time

I think they're having a secret love affair

For on the sunniest of days,

Time moves at a slow, languid pace

Like the opening notes of a love song.

Even the wind appears to slow down 

Coaxing only lazy shivers from the sun-warmed trees

And their shadows

On sun-warmed windows.

Everything that the sun touches

Glows with pleasurable warmth -

The kind that rises inside you,

When you take a deep swill of whiskey.

The wispy summer clouds and the July pollen

They slow down too,

For on the sunniest of days,

Time stretches like a string of gum

Almost convincing you 

That the day will never end

These balmy hours suspended in time 

Everlasting, like the lingering taste of a passionate first kiss.

Living in my head

My favorite place to be? In your thoughts.

When you think of me,

I feel like you're with me

Living in my head

Flowing through my blood

Breathing my breaths

And feeding my desire

When you think of me,

it's like an embrace for my soul

And when you stop,

everything's cold and silent and empty

It's only then that I realize

How warm your presence felt

And how much it brimmed with love(?) & longing.

Sometimes, I feel like there's no distinction between us

Where do I begin and where do you end?

I couldn't really say.

At times, I don't know if I'm feeling my feelings

Or yours.

On any given day,

Everything's mixed up

In a hot and beautiful way.

Aftershocks of desire

I reel

under aftershocks of desire

For hours after

Twinges coursing through my veins

Setting my cells on fire

So unbearable

So pleasurable

All I can do is close my eyes

And wait for the sweet storm to pass

Or hope to be trapped in its grasp forever.

A little too much

If I wanted you less,

it would be so much simpler

my emotions in check

and not a rollercoaster ride

through highs and lows

that leave me feeling

painfully uncertain

But as things stand,

I want you a little too much.

If I missed you less,

I'd be in a much better place

Not battling cravings

for you

Every waking second.

But as things stand,

I miss you a little too much.

If I loved you less,

it would be so much easier

my heart safer

my days calmer

But as things stand,

I love you a little too much.